Admitted AGAIN!
Made it six days this time! Unfortunately, Cleveland Clinic has become home away from home. Last Friday (February 3, 2017) I weighed myself at 1pm and later weighed myself around 6:30 pm after making an awesome dinner, if i do say so myself. The scale beeped and I couldn't believe it. I gained 8 pounds since 1 o'clock! That's the quickest I have ever retained fluid. At this point in my journey this made me almost immediately sink to the floor, I'm sick with worry and anxiety. First thought, "NO! I can't go back in! I just got back out! My kids need me home! I need to be with my kids!". I have so much guilt as a mother. Second thought, "Does this mean I'm slipping faster down the already steep slope I have been descending? Has my heart gotten weaker? Are things worse?".
I called for my mom. I'm so exhausted. This long fight I've been in for a few years now has taken so much out of me. But I have no other option. I have to keep pressing forward even though I feel like I'm metaphorically trying to walk on two broken legs. How I continue to find the will, my only explanation is; it's a God thing. After my mom calms me down, we decide doing the usual routine is the best option. Going to Firelands ER, have them secure the bed at Cleveland Clinic, transport by squad, and admitted to Cleveland.
So here I am. It's been about a week now and let me state, its not been an easy week. We did, however, finalize the minor tests needed for me to be officially presented to the committee. Although, they're all are very much aware of my case already I've been told. The only test that they're still pushing for is an extremely painful one, an arterial blood gas test. We've already attempted twice this week and I'm told they're going to try again today. An ABG is extremely painful because they take a rather large and thick needle to your wrist, attempt to find the main artery, (which usually entails a lot of pushing in and pulling out) and pull blood from it. I realize this simple explanation sounds like "no big deal". You will never fully understand until you have one! It's a very unique kind of pain especially if they scrape against the tendon. My problem is, they NEVER successfully get "it". They've tried 15 times one time and NEVER got it.
A plus, I've been getting visits from this woman and her dog! She is adorable! Her name is Wellie and she's a Barbet French Water dog. She's a certified service dog and her owner volunteers with the clinic to see patients! Wellie is so calm but has quite the personality! She usually lays on my bed and has me rub her belly! It's been a great "break" from the hospital grind. I also got unexpected flowers delivered today from a friend! They're gorgeous!
The doctors told me I am to stay at least through the weekend. Whether or not I'm staying here until I get my transplant is not decided. I'm hoping to return home because as I have expressed earlier, my babies need me and I need to be with them. It kills me being away from them. So fingers crossed that either way I'm home soon! Whether that means I stay in the hospital and get my transplant quickly and I recover quickly so I can return home. Or, if that means I can be home after Monday until I get my phone call.